It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Someone signed my nipple.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
