Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
