I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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