So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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