'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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