remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
