No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
