I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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