Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
