so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
