His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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