Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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