I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
