they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
