Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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