So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
