shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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