Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
