it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
