I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
