Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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