he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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