So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
