I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
