You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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