All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
