I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
