So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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