I wish I could punch you in the face.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
