That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
