Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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