Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
