I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
