i just sent this text using only my big toe
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
