well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm drive I can fine osifer
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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