Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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