i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
