My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
