You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
