He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
