My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
