I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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