She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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