from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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