Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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