Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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