he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
sarcasm needs its own font
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Come share oat with me in your robe
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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