today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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