Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
