Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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