i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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