My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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