im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is wine microwaveable?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize