Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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