hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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