Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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