your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
