If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
