mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hippo gnu deer
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
