Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
