Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
