watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
