Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry redhead2010 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(413): View more from Massachusetts

Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.

Fav 19 9886 1678
share tweet
(805): View more from California

Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are

Fav 16 6910 1072
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(209): View more from California

he laminated a picture of his dick.

Fav 16 2982 1739
share tweet
(315): View more from New York

What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?

(414): View more from Wisconsin

Its 11 o'clock somewhere

Fav 7 2882 1239
share tweet
(941): View more from Florida

It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.

(1-941): View more from Florida

Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.

Fav 13 3650 1118
share tweet
(315): View more from New York

In other news, I just burned my penis

Fav 8 595 1102
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(973): View more from New Jersey

In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off

Fav 3 650 888
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(978): View more from Massachusetts

So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.

(330): View more from Ohio

I need to meet your family.

Fav 0 36 8
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare

Fav 0 395 624
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT