next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
