And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
