We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
