Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
