I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
