Pappa wants mamma naked
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
