Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
