Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
