This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
