i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
