When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
