they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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