Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
