Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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