Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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