mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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