So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
