hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
