The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were destined to go to rehab together
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
